Happy Fing Birthday, Sesshomaru!
by Rose Royce
Summary: It's Sesshy's birthday, and I'm going to ruin it! Why, because I love to torture him! This features special guests![Oneshot]


I'm back again! Crueler than ever! Torturing your favorite bishonen like always! Sesshomaru's birthday is really on the first of November, but I just thought of this. Once again, if you are a Sesshy fangirl, don't read...

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"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH…MY…GOD!" Sesshomaru screamed, prancing around the house. MY house, to be exact. He seems so…uh…happy for some apparent reason. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I asked. He was jumping on the couch that I was sitting on, annoying me with his glee.

"Guess what tomorrow is, Devilin!" He said joyfully, jumping onto the couch to sit right next to me. From out of nowhere, he pulled out a calendar with a picture of a playboy bunny on it. Sesshomaru quickly put that awful calendar away, blushing.

"Sorry, father gave that to me as a gift for successfully completing my lessons in being straight."

I glared at him evilly in disgust. "Yeah, what the fuck ever. Anyway, is tomorrow the anniversary of the time you got your arm chopped off?"

"NO! Tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY! YAY!" All of a sudden the room was filled with party goods: balloons, streamers, music, games, and a clown that has seen better days. Inuyasha, his entourage, Inutaisho, Rin, and Naraku came in the room looking bewildered.

"What going on?" Miroku asked, looking at the clown that has seen better days.

Sesshomaru blew into one of those party favors that unravel when you blow into them. "Tomorrow's a very special day! My day!"

"Oh! Is it the anniversary of the time where you got your arm chopped off?" Rin asked. Everyone except Sesshomaru laughed.

"NO! WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SAYING THAT?"

"Well, Sesshomaru-sama, that the only other special day we remember that asso'iated with you!"

"Besides," Inuyasha interrupted, holding up a calendar. "That day's on the fifteenth!" He pointed to the fifteenth on the calendar. Everyone started laughing at Sesshomaru again, this time, the clown laughed at him. Sesshomaru took out his frustration out on the clown by slashing him to bits. The clown certainly HAS SEEN better days…

"I'm going to enjoy my birthday tomorrow and you're going to enjoy it too, whether you want to or not!" Sesshomaru cried, running out the room.

"I am NOT cleaning that up." I said, looking at the eyeballs and little particles of flesh and neon green wig.

(The Next Day, sadly)

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!" Sesshomaru cried, standing on a table. It was party time, and everyone who was anyone was there. It was held in one of those fancy ballrooms that you can use for a day. Everything was elaborate and fancy and (A/N: Should I say it?) fluffy. The dress code was for people to dress fancy, but what's the use of dressing fancy when you're going to mess it up after you drink bottle after bottle of sake?

"ALRIGHT EVERYONE!" Shuichi said, drunk from sake, "IT'S TIME TO BREAK THE PIÑATA!" Everyone excited gathered around the piñata that looked like Kagura (A/N: Yes I am a Kagura-hater…and I'm proud of it, baby!), cheering Shuichi on, for he was going to try to break it first. Maru-sha put the blindfold on him and gave him the stick. Shuichi tried to hit it with all his might, but he missed the piñata and started to hit the guests.

"OUCH! DAMN BRAT!" Eri Yuki hollered.

"OW!" Sango shrieked.

"MY HEAD!" Ed roared. (A/N: Yes, he did get hit…even though he's like, four feet tall!)

'_Ow…' _Kanna thought. She didn't want to say anything. It's out of her nature.

"Wait! Wait! My senses tell me that the piñata is riiiiight…HERE!" Shuichi said, enthusiastically. He swung the stick around and started whacking the hell out of Sesshy with the sick!

"Ow! It's—OW!—ME—OW! OW! OW! OW! SESSHOMARU—OUCH!" Sesshy hollered. Shuichi finally took off the blind and found a bumpy-looking Sesshomaru. He looked like a bumpy rock, only smarter.

"Ooooo, sorry!" Shuichi said looking at him, scared. Inutaisho, who was just observing everything with me, just sighed and walked over to the piñata. He simply punched "Kagura" in the "gut" and candy came pouring out of "her". In, like, 0.0015 second, everyone swiped all the candy and left to get hyper, not leaving poor birthday boy any candy.

"Ok everyone! Gather 'round" Inutaisho said to everyone. A chef brought in a humongous cake that reminded everyone of that god-awful fluff that was on his shoulder. I mean, it looked like a wedding cake! It was white and fuzzy-looking. Was he getting married, too? Maybe he was going to marry his fluff! (A/N: Another stupid moment!)

All the guests ran over to the large cake, drooling and wanting to dig in. Shippo and Rin were trying to finger the cream off the cake to taste it, but Kagome stopped them.

"Before we start eating this delicious cake that had burned a hole in my wallet from buying it, Devilin, Inuyasha, Maru-sha, and young Chiyo here have a song to sing to the birthday boy!" Everyone just clapped out of courtesy.

Sesshomaru looked scared. He sensed something was going to happen. We gave him an evil smile.

"Ready?" I said, giving a sinister smile, showing all six of my fangs (in case you're wondering, I have two vampire teeth in the front, and the other four are in the back, like Inuyasha's and Sesshy's teeth). The rest of the quartet nodded their heads. "Okay!"

I blew into a kazoo, and I started singing,

"_Happy birthday to you!_

_We ha-ate you!_

_You're a child molester!_

_And you're an asshole too!"_

Sesshomaru was just shocked. The rest of the guest started to giggle and whisper. Then Inuyasha started singing. (Imagine that!)

"_Happy birthday to you!_

_Father ha-ates you!_

_He gave me the Tetusaiga,_

_And prefers me over you!"_

Now Sesshomaru looked at his father angrily. Inutaisho gave him a well-it's-kind-of-true look in return. Now it was time for the last part of the song: Maru-sha And Chiyo's part!

"_Happy birthday to you!_

_Happy birthday to you!_

_You look like a woman, and we HATE YO-OOOOU!"_

Sesshomaru wanted to cry. I'm sure he was thinking about how the day can get any worse. But at least he still had the cake! The cake might make him forget all about all his drama. When Sesshy received the first piece, he took a bite out of the delicious fluffy, moist, sweet cake. But five seconds later he dropped to the ballroom floor and had a seizure! Shuichi thought it was a new dance so he started doing "the seizure", as he called it.

"Devilin!" Inutaisho said to me in a stern way. Sounds like he's being a father again. "What kind of cake did you get?"

I looked up from my piece of cake to meet his face. "Chocolate." I responded.

"But he said to get Vanilla!"

"He did? Oh," To tell you the truth, I did it deliberately. "OOoooo…"

(Five hours later)

The party was over, and Sesshy came out of his seizure. He spent the rest of the day crying. Inutaisho went up to his son and sat next to him.

"So, you finally started showing some emotion, hmm?" He said.

Sesshomaru looked at his father; his mascara was starting to smear. "Father! That was the worst birthday I ever had! First I get beat, then I get no candy, then Devilin and Inuyasha sang a mean song about me, and THEN—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, you had a seizure. Well, despite the fact that I'm going broke because of you, I bought a white cake for you, and we will start this all over tomorrow! But we're going to make it cheap by going to Wobbley's. (A/N: It's my safe version of Shakey's.) Okay?"

Sesshomaru hugged his dad (oh my God…) in glee. "Thanks, father."

Inutaisho pushed him away. "But right now we need to talk about you being a child molester!"

"WHAT? DAD! OW! OW!"

And Sesshy had gotten a spanking, which lasted all night and lead to weeks of pain in his rear end.

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Well, sometimes I think he is a child molester.Nasty pedophiles...but then again I'm not sure. Anyway read and review. Flames maybe...

Sesshomaru: "How dare you ruin my birthday!"

Uhh...GOTTA GO!


End file.
